The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
