I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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