i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
