The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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