Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
