I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I bet he comes in French.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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