it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
