Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
