the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
