Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
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