your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
