Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
