I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
