He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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