I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
