I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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