she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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