hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
