I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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