This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
