the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
