hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
