So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
