This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
