I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
