therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
