Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
