So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
