4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
