I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
