my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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