i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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