i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
