well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
