Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Randomize