Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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