no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
