So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
