I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
