I heard we made out
Non-Jews are for practice
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
