Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
