Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
