so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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