mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
