i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Do you have feelings for this penis?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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