Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
