So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
