he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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