she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
