Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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