Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
