I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
