I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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