Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
