So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
