Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
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He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
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we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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