3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize