Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
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