Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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