I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
