Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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