were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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