I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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