please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
